Intimate Communion Summary

Intimate Communion

Awakening Your Sexual Essence
by David Deida 1995 270 pages
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Key Takeaways

1. Sexual Polarity: The Key to Passionate Relationships

"Sexual polarity is a natural energetic force that requires two poles. For electrical energy to flow, you need a positive pole and a negative pole. For magnetic energy to flow, you need a north pole and a south pole. For sexual energy to flow, you need two poles, too."

Sexual polarity is fundamental to passionate relationships. It's the dynamic interplay between masculine and feminine energies, regardless of gender. This energy flow creates attraction, passion, and excitement in intimate relationships.

  • Masculine energy traits:

  • Feminine energy traits:

Understanding and embracing these energies can reignite passion in long-term relationships or create intense attraction in new ones. It's important to note that these energies are not tied to biological sex; both men and women can embody either energy.

2. Three Stages of Intimate Relationships: Dependence, 50/50, and Intimate Communion

"To grow from a Dependence Relationship, to a 50/50 Relationship, into the practice of Intimate Communion, we must learn to love more and resist less."

Relationships evolve through stages , each with its own characteristics and challenges:

  1. Dependence Relationship:

  2. 50/50 Relationship:

  3. Intimate Communion:

The goal is to progress through these stages, ultimately reaching Intimate Communion, where partners can fully express their true selves while maintaining a deep connection.

3. Understanding Your Sexual Essence: Masculine, Feminine, or Neutral

"Your sexual essence could still be more Masculine, more Feminine or more Neutral. You may not be fully aware of your true sexual essence, though. It may be covered over by layers of mistrust, fear or denial."

Identifying your sexual essence is crucial for creating fulfilling relationships. Your sexual essence is not determined by your biological sex, but by your natural inclinations and energy.

  • Masculine essence:

  • Feminine essence:

  • Neutral essence:

Understanding your true sexual essence allows you to align your relationships with your deepest desires and authentically express yourself in intimacy.

4. The Masculine Way: Purpose-Driven and Freedom-Seeking

"The core of the Masculine sexual essence is directionality, or where we are going."

The masculine energy thrives on purpose, mission, and the pursuit of freedom. This energy is not exclusive to men; women can also embody masculine traits.

Key aspects of masculine energy:

  • Goal-oriented and focused
  • Seeks challenges and growth opportunities
  • Values independence and self-reliance
  • Prioritizes mission over relationship

Understanding masculine energy helps partners support each other's growth. For those with a masculine essence, it's crucial to find a life purpose that aligns with their values. This sense of direction fuels their passion and vitality, which in turn enhances their relationships.

5. The Feminine Way: Radiance and Relationship-Focused

"The core of the Feminine is radiance. Whether appearing in the vision of a flower, a rainbow, a man or a woman, there is a certain mysterious quality of grace, shine and beauty that can best be described as 'radiance.'"

Feminine energy embodies flow, radiance, and a deep connection to relationships and emotions. This energy is not exclusive to women; men can also possess and express feminine traits.

Key aspects of feminine energy:

  • Prioritizes relationships and emotional connection
  • Values openness, receptivity, and nurturing
  • Thrives on creative expression and sensuality
  • Seeks to be filled with love and inspiration

For those with a feminine essence, cultivating their radiance and allowing themselves to be deeply moved by life enhances their attractiveness and fulfillment. Understanding feminine energy helps partners create space for emotional expression and connection in their relationships.

6. Embracing Sexual Substitutes: Awareness and Balance

"We often unknowingly relate to our surroundings in a sexual way. Just like human beings, places can be more or less Feminine, Masculine or Neutral."

Sexual substitutes are non-human sources of masculine or feminine energy that we unconsciously seek out to fulfill our needs. These can include:

  • Places (e.g., bustling cities for masculine energy, serene beaches for feminine energy)
  • Activities (e.g., competitive sports for masculine energy, art for feminine energy)
  • Substances (e.g., stimulants for masculine energy, depressants for feminine energy)

While these substitutes can provide temporary fulfillment, overreliance on them can hinder genuine intimate connections. The key is to:

  1. Recognize your use of sexual substitutes
  2. Understand the underlying needs they fulfill
  3. Seek balance between substitutes and human intimacy
  4. Use this awareness to enhance your relationships

By consciously managing sexual substitutes, you can better align your life with your true sexual essence and create more fulfilling intimate relationships.

7. Practicing Love: The Foundation of Intimate Communion

"Love flows when you give it."

Love is an active practice , not just a feeling. In Intimate Communion, partners commit to practicing love even in challenging moments. This involves:

  1. Staying present: Resist the urge to withdraw or punish your partner when hurt.
  2. Opening your heart: Practice vulnerability and emotional honesty.
  3. Accepting differences: Embrace the natural polarity between masculine and feminine energies.
  4. Giving love freely: Focus on giving love rather than seeking to receive it.

By consistently practicing love, partners can:

  • Deepen their connection
  • Overcome conflicts more easily
  • Maintain passion and attraction
  • Create a relationship that nurtures both individuals' growth

Remember, love is a skill that can be developed through conscious effort and practice.

8. Advanced Polarity: Cultivating Attraction and Passion

"To magnify polarity, you must understand how to give love to your partner in the form that most deeply touches their heart."

Enhancing sexual polarity involves consciously cultivating and expressing your natural sexual essence while appreciating your partner's essence. This creates a dynamic interplay of energies that fuels attraction and passion.

Strategies for enhancing polarity:

  1. Embrace your core essence fully
  2. Appreciate and honor your partner's essence
  3. Create opportunities for polarized interactions
  4. Practice giving and receiving in alignment with your essences

Examples:

  • Masculine partners can enhance polarity by:

  • Feminine partners can enhance polarity by:

By consciously working with polarity, couples can maintain passion and attraction throughout their relationship.

9. Overcoming Resistance: Embracing Your True Sexual Essence

"We have decided that relaxing into our native Masculine or Feminine sexual essence is unsafe. We have decided that it's better to be an equal person than a hurt one."

Resistance to our true sexual essence often stems from past hurts, societal conditioning, or fear of vulnerability. Overcoming this resistance is crucial for creating fulfilling intimate relationships.

Steps to embrace your true sexual essence:

  1. Identify your core essence (masculine, feminine, or neutral)
  2. Recognize patterns of resistance or denial
  3. Explore the root causes of your resistance
  4. Gradually allow yourself to express your authentic essence
  5. Seek partners who appreciate and complement your essence

Benefits of embracing your true sexual essence:

  • Increased authenticity in relationships
  • Enhanced attraction and passion with compatible partners
  • Greater overall life satisfaction and self-expression
  • Improved ability to give and receive love

Remember, embracing your sexual essence doesn't mean reverting to outdated gender roles. Instead, it's about honoring your authentic self and creating relationships that align with your deepest desires and needs.

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