Love in 90 Days Summary

Love in 90 Days

The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love
by Diana Kirschner 2008 417 pages
3.71
173 ratings

Key Takeaways

1. Embrace the Dating Program of Three to Find Your Soulmate

Jump in too fast and it's over fast.

Break free from the three-date rule. The Dating Program of Three involves dating three men simultaneously without having sex with any of them. This approach helps you avoid premature emotional attachment and allows you to compare and contrast potential partners objectively. By taking it slow, you can:

  • Identify men who are genuinely interested in you
  • Break out of destructive dating patterns
  • Discover what you truly want and need in a partner

The program encourages you to be selective while remaining open to different types of men. Use the DUD/STUD test to evaluate potential partners based on three criteria:

  1. Is he crazy about you?
  2. Is he willing to grow?
  3. Does he meet your basic requirements?

2. Cultivate Your Diamond Self to Boost Confidence and Attract Love

You are not ordinary! There are no ordinary people.

Uncover your authentic, charismatic self. Your Diamond Self is your most dynamic, self-loving, and passionate identity. To discover and nurture it:

  1. Reconnect with your authentic nature from childhood
  2. Practice daily gratitude
  3. Create a powerful Diamond Self name
  4. Face your fears and take action

Developing your Diamond Self enhances your self-confidence and natural charisma, making you more attractive to potential partners. Use visualization techniques and positive affirmations to reinforce your Diamond Self identity. Remember, every person is interesting when they are real and authentic.

3. Overcome Deadly Dating Patterns for Healthier Relationships

As Edna St. Vincent Millay said, "It's not true that life is one damn thing after another—it's one damn thing over and over."

Identify and break self-sabotaging habits. Common Deadly Dating Patterns include:

  • The Flame-Out: Intense but short-lived connections
  • Crumbs: Accepting less than you deserve
  • The Hermit: Avoiding dating altogether
  • I'll Make You Love Me: Over-giving to win someone's affection

To overcome these patterns:

  1. Recognize your specific patterns
  2. Understand the underlying beliefs and fears
  3. Use positive affirmations to counter negative self-talk
  4. Take action to change your behavior

Seek support from Love Mentors or a professional coach to help you break free from destructive patterns and create healthier relationships.

4. Master Online Dating Strategies for Maximum Success

You now live in the Age of Abundant Love!

Leverage technology to expand your dating pool. Online dating has revolutionized the way people meet potential partners. To succeed in digital dating:

  1. Create an attention-grabbing profile:

  2. Optimize your search strategy:

  3. Practice safe and effective communication:

Remember that online dating is a numbers game. Be patient and persistent, and don't take rejection personally.

5. Utilize Love Mentors to Guide Your Journey to Love

Remember, Cinderella had her Fairy Godmother.

Surround yourself with supportive guides. Love Mentors can provide invaluable support, advice, and encouragement on your path to finding love. Types of Love Mentors include:

  1. Master Love Mentor: A person who provides emotional support, honest feedback, and advice based on your unique needs
  2. Beauty Mentor: Someone who helps you enhance your physical appearance and style
  3. Advice Mentor: A guide who offers practical dating and relationship advice
  4. Matchmaker Mentor: A person who introduces you to potential partners

To find and cultivate relationships with Love Mentors:

  • Identify potential mentors in your social circle
  • Be clear about your needs and expectations
  • Show appreciation and reciprocate when possible
  • Be open to feedback and willing to grow

Remember that professional coaching can also provide structured mentorship if you struggle to find suitable mentors in your personal network.

6. Navigate Special Challenges in Dating: Age, Race, and Single Parenthood

Every situation, properly perceived, becomes an opportunity.

Turn perceived obstacles into strengths. Various factors can present unique challenges in dating, but they can also offer opportunities for growth and connection:

For African-American women:

  • Challenge stereotypes and negative beliefs about black relationships
  • Consider interracial dating to expand your options
  • Focus on self-love and cultural pride

For single mothers:

  • Prioritize self-care and create "Special Time" for yourself and your children
  • Seek mature partners who understand and respect your role as a parent
  • Introduce new partners to your children gradually and thoughtfully

For women over 45:

  • Embrace your life experience and wisdom as assets
  • Stay active and maintain a youthful outlook
  • Consider dating younger men if you're open to it

For all groups, focus on developing self-confidence, maintaining a positive attitude, and being open to new experiences and types of partners.

7. Practice the Eight Habits of Living Love for Lasting Relationships

Love is an action verb.

Cultivate habits that nurture long-term love. The Eight Habits of Living Love provide a framework for creating and maintaining healthy, fulfilling relationships:

  1. Cultivating Intimacy: Share emotional, physical, and sexual closeness
  2. Acting Out of Dedication and Service: Commit fully to your partner and relationship
  3. Acting from Enlightened Selfishness: Balance giving with self-care
  4. Considering the Cost of Loss: Appreciate what you have in your relationship
  5. Showing Appreciation and Gratitude: Regularly express thankfulness
  6. Practicing Care-Full Communication: Use positive, respectful language
  7. Following Fight Club Rules: Manage conflicts constructively
  8. Collaborating as Teammates: Work together towards shared goals

Implement these habits in your daily life, starting with self-practice and extending to all your relationships. As you master these skills, you'll be better prepared to create and maintain a loving, lasting partnership.

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