The Happiness Prayer

Key Takeaways

1. Happiness is a journey, not a destination

Happiness is not something you can get by buying a fast, expensive car. It doesn't come, as I learned, from getting the job you always dreamed of. It does not even come from health or wealth. It comes, like winning in baseball, from doing certain things faithfully and consistently.

Happiness is a practice. It requires intentional effort and consistent habits. The Jewish prayer Eilu Devarim outlines ten wisdom practices that, when followed, lead to greater well-being and life satisfaction. These practices include:

• Honoring those who gave you life
• Being kind
• Continuous learning
• Inviting others into your life
• Supporting others in need
• Celebrating good times
• Comforting during loss
• Praying with intention
• Forgiving
• Self-reflection and commitment

By incorporating these practices into daily life, one can cultivate a deeper sense of meaning, purpose, and joy. The key is to focus on the journey of personal growth rather than expecting happiness to arrive as a final destination.

2. Honor those who gave you life to cultivate gratitude

When we honor our parents as they are, something profound happens. We begin to accept ourselves as we are. And we see the blessing alongside the pain.

Honoring parents fosters self-acceptance. This practice goes beyond mere obedience or respect. It involves:

• Recognizing the gift of life and the sacrifices made by parents
• Acknowledging their humanity, including flaws and limitations
• Seeking to understand their life stories and experiences
• Expressing gratitude for the positive aspects of one's upbringing

By honoring parents, individuals often gain a deeper understanding of themselves and their own life journey. This practice can lead to greater self-compassion, emotional maturity, and a more balanced perspective on family relationships.

3. Kindness is contagious and essential for well-being

Kindness is contagious. When you practice kindness in one relationship—marriage, friendship, parenting—you find yourself, almost magically, naturally inclined to be kind in other relationships.

Kindness ripples outward. Acts of kindness not only benefit the recipient but also the giver and observers. Research shows that:

• Kindness releases feel-good hormones like oxytocin and serotonin
• Witnessing acts of kindness inspires others to be kind (social contagion)
• Regular acts of kindness can lower blood pressure and reduce anxiety

Practicing kindness in daily life can involve:

• Small gestures like smiling at strangers or holding doors open
• Offering help or support to friends and family
• Volunteering in the community
• Expressing appreciation and gratitude to others

By cultivating kindness, individuals create a positive feedback loop that enhances their own well-being and contributes to a more compassionate society.

4. Lifelong learning keeps the mind sharp and life meaningful

When we learn new things—be they ideas, sports, spiritual practices, or physical pursuits—we engage our brains and experience more from life. We can recover the joy of children experiencing things for the first time.

Continuous learning fuels growth. Embracing lifelong learning offers numerous benefits:

• Keeps the brain active and may help prevent cognitive decline
• Provides a sense of purpose and accomplishment
• Enhances adaptability and resilience in a changing world
• Opens up new opportunities and experiences

Practical ways to incorporate learning into daily life:

• Read books on diverse topics
• Take up a new hobby or skill
• Attend lectures, workshops, or online courses
• Engage in thought-provoking discussions with others
• Travel to experience different cultures and perspectives

By maintaining curiosity and a willingness to learn, individuals can continue to find wonder and meaning in life at any age.

5. Inviting others into your life creates opportunities for joy

Hospitality is not only inviting our neighbors over for dinner. It is extending ourselves for the benefit of others.

Openness fosters connection. Practicing hospitality and inviting others into one's life can lead to:

• Expanded social networks and support systems
• Increased empathy and understanding of diverse perspectives
• Unexpected opportunities for personal and professional growth
• Enhanced sense of community and belonging

Ways to cultivate openness and hospitality:

• Host gatherings or meals for friends and neighbors
• Join community groups or volunteer organizations
• Reach out to new acquaintances or colleagues
• Practice active listening and genuine interest in others' stories

By extending oneself to others, individuals create a richer, more interconnected life experience that contributes to overall happiness and well-being.

6. Being there for others in need strengthens community bonds

Presence is what matters most. I once heard it said that 80 percent of life is showing up. When it comes to comforting the sick, it is 99 percent.

Showing up matters. Being present for others during difficult times is a powerful way to build strong, supportive relationships and communities. This practice involves:

• Offering comfort and support during illness or hardship
• Listening without judgment or trying to fix the situation
• Providing practical help, such as meals or running errands
• Maintaining connection even when it feels uncomfortable

Benefits of supporting others in need:

• Strengthens empathy and compassion
• Builds resilience and perspective on one's own challenges
• Creates a network of mutual support for future difficulties
• Contributes to a sense of purpose and meaning in life

By consistently showing up for others, individuals foster a culture of care and interconnectedness that enhances collective well-being.

7. Celebrate good times to nurture positive emotions

Happiness comes during the times when we put those pieces together.

Celebration amplifies joy. Actively participating in and creating celebrations for life's positive moments can significantly impact overall well-being. Benefits include:

• Increased positive emotions and life satisfaction
• Strengthened social bonds and shared experiences
• Creation of lasting memories and traditions
• Enhanced resilience during challenging times

Ways to incorporate celebration into life:

• Mark personal and professional milestones
• Participate in community festivals and events
• Create rituals for everyday accomplishments
• Express joy and enthusiasm for others' successes

By consciously celebrating life's good moments, both big and small, individuals cultivate a more positive outlook and a deeper appreciation for life's blessings.

8. Supporting others during loss brings perspective and healing

Comforting mourners clearly helps the mourners. But how does it make the comforter happier?

Shared grief fosters connection. Supporting others during times of loss not only helps the bereaved but also provides valuable perspective and personal growth for the comforter. Benefits include:

• Increased empathy and emotional intelligence
• Greater appreciation for life and relationships
• Enhanced ability to cope with one's own losses
• Strengthened community bonds and support networks

Ways to support others during loss:

• Be present and listen without trying to fix or minimize pain
• Offer practical help with daily tasks or arrangements
• Share memories and stories about the deceased
• Continue to check in and offer support over time

By engaging in the practice of comforting mourners, individuals develop a deeper understanding of life's fragility and the importance of human connection.

9. Prayer and reflection foster inner peace and connection

Prayer is not only listening. It is also conversation. Praying ancient words is a time-tested formula for talking with God.

Prayer nurtures the soul. Regular prayer or reflection, whether religious or secular, can provide numerous benefits:

• Increased sense of peace and well-being
• Enhanced self-awareness and emotional regulation
• Deeper connection to one's values and purpose
• Improved ability to cope with stress and adversity

Ways to incorporate prayer or reflection:

• Set aside daily time for quiet contemplation
• Engage in mindfulness or meditation practices
• Keep a gratitude journal
• Participate in communal prayer or spiritual gatherings

By cultivating a practice of prayer or reflection, individuals can develop a greater sense of inner peace and connection to something larger than themselves.

10. Forgiveness liberates the soul and promotes personal growth

Forgiveness is not something we do for another person. It is something we do for ourselves.

Forgiveness heals the forgiver. Practicing forgiveness, both for others and oneself, is a powerful tool for personal growth and emotional well-being. Benefits include:

• Reduced stress, anxiety, and depression
• Improved relationships and social connections
• Enhanced self-esteem and self-compassion
• Greater sense of personal empowerment and freedom

Steps to practice forgiveness:

• Acknowledge the hurt and its impact
• Choose to let go of resentment and desire for revenge
• Reframe the experience as an opportunity for growth
• Practice empathy and understanding for the offender (and oneself)

By embracing forgiveness as a regular practice, individuals can release emotional burdens and create space for more positive experiences and relationships in their lives.

Last updated: November 30, 2024

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