The Unwinding of the Miracle

Key Takeaways

1. Julie's journey from near-death in Vietnam to a life of possibility in America

I asked him that night to go back to 1976, into the desolation and hopelessness of Communist Vietnam, and set the odds of a blind girl making it out of that unimaginable poverty, of her escaping the stigma of having a physical deformity that would make her undesirable to any man and unworthy of being any child's mother, and of her withstanding the shame of knowing that she would forever be the burden borne by a proud family that would have to care for her like an invalid for all her life.

From near-infanticide to triumph. Julie Yip-Williams' life began with a harrowing escape from death. Born blind in Vietnam, her grandmother ordered her parents to take her to an herbalist to end her life, deeming her a burden. Miraculously, the herbalist refused, and Julie's great-grandmother intervened to save her. This early brush with death set the stage for a life marked by resilience and defiance of odds.

A journey of transformation. Julie's family fled Vietnam by boat when she was a toddler, eventually settling in the United States. Despite her visual impairment, Julie thrived:

• Gained partial sight through surgeries in America
• Excelled academically, graduating from Harvard Law School
• Became a successful lawyer at a prestigious firm
• Married and had two daughters

Julie's story is a testament to the human spirit's capacity to overcome seemingly insurmountable obstacles. Her journey from a blind girl in post-war Vietnam to a accomplished professional in America embodies the immigrant dream and the power of perseverance.

2. Confronting mortality: Julie's battle with Stage IV colon cancer

I don't want to mislead in suggesting that I don't have an ego—we all do—a place in which our arrogance and conceit are born. My ego thrives on a belief in, and the need to continually cultivate, my inner strength and courage, my innate sense of grace and dignity that has heretofore allowed me to withstand the vicissitudes of life with a sometimes brutal self-honesty, and then to arise after shouting the expletives and shedding the tears, smiling and laughing at myself.

A devastating diagnosis. At age 37, Julie was diagnosed with Stage IV colon cancer, a shocking turn of events for a young mother who had already overcome so much. This diagnosis forced her to confront her mortality head-on, challenging her to find strength and meaning in the face of a terminal illness.

Navigating the cancer journey. Julie's approach to her cancer battle was marked by:

• A commitment to brutal honesty about her condition and prognosis
• A determination to maintain her dignity and sense of self
• A willingness to explore both traditional and alternative treatments
• An ongoing struggle to balance hope with realism

Throughout her cancer journey, Julie strived to maintain her identity beyond her illness. She refused to be defined solely by her diagnosis, instead using it as a lens through which to examine life's deeper questions and find purpose in her remaining time.

3. The power of honesty and vulnerability in facing terminal illness

I want you all to know that it is to this connection that I cling as the loneliness of this journey threatens to swallow me. And that is even as I found myself posting pictures on Facebook from our glorious Sicilian vacation—wandering around a snowcapped volcano, the children dancing and twirling through piazza after piazza, exploring two-thousand-year-old ruins under the life-giving Mediterranean sun, basking in the fragrance of blooming blood orange trees, gorging on the freshest of gelatos and granitas.

Authenticity in adversity. Julie made a conscious decision to document her cancer journey with raw honesty. She shared both the triumphs and the struggles, refusing to sugarcoat her experience or present a falsely optimistic facade. This commitment to authenticity allowed her to:

• Connect deeply with others facing similar challenges
• Challenge societal norms about how to discuss illness and death
• Find catharsis and meaning through writing and sharing her story

Balancing joy and sorrow. Julie's approach to living with terminal cancer involved embracing life's joys while acknowledging the pain and fear. She:

• Continued to travel and create memories with her family
• Shared both positive experiences and difficult moments on social media
• Wrestled openly with complex emotions, including anger, jealousy, and despair

By being vulnerable about her struggles, Julie created a powerful narrative that resonated with many. Her honesty provided comfort to others facing illness and challenged societal taboos around discussing death and dying.

4. Balancing hope and realism in the face of a dire prognosis

Even so, I do choose to keep fighting. It took me nearly two weeks to make that affirmative choice. It took me nearly two weeks to recover from the lows of that day after Christmas, to pull myself out of that darkness. It happened with the help of Josh and my girls, my beloved longtime therapist, and the words of my even more beloved sister, Lyna, and best friend, Sue. They helped me to see important truths about me and how I want my life to be viewed now and after I am gone.

The hope-realism tightrope. Throughout her cancer journey, Julie grappled with the tension between maintaining hope and facing the reality of her prognosis. This delicate balance involved:

• Pursuing treatments while acknowledging their limitations
• Allowing herself to dream of a future while preparing for death
• Finding joy in the present without denying the gravity of her situation

A conscious choice to fight. Despite moments of despair, Julie ultimately chose to continue her battle against cancer. This decision was rooted in:

• A desire to set an example of resilience for her daughters
• The support and love of her family and friends
• A recognition that fighting gave purpose to her remaining time

Julie's approach to hope was nuanced. She rejected blind optimism but embraced a form of hope that allowed her to live fully while facing her mortality. This balance enabled her to find meaning and purpose in her final years without denying the reality of her situation.

5. The impact of cancer on family dynamics and relationships

Josh and others have misinterpreted my actions. It is true—I have spent the last few months confronting my mortality, accepting the likelihood of my death from my cancer, trying to find peace with my destiny. But what Josh and others don't understand is that with acceptance and peace, I have learned to live more fully and completely in the here and now, that I now live with a fierceness, passion, and love that I've never known.

Redefining family roles. Julie's cancer diagnosis profoundly impacted her family dynamics:

• Her relationship with her husband, Josh, was tested and deepened
• She struggled with how to parent her young daughters while facing a terminal illness
• Her extended family, including her parents and siblings, rallied to support her

Navigating complex emotions. The cancer journey brought a range of challenging emotions for Julie and her loved ones:

• Guilt over the impact of her illness on her family
• Fear of leaving her children motherless
• Anger and frustration at the unfairness of her situation
• Deep love and appreciation for the support of her family

Julie's illness forced her family to confront mortality together, leading to difficult conversations and moments of profound connection. While cancer strained relationships at times, it also strengthened bonds and created opportunities for deep emotional intimacy.

6. Finding meaning and purpose in life's final chapter

I do not know if peace comes to all or just to those who seek it, to those who rage or to those who surrender, but over the months of 2017, peace came to me.

Redefining life's purpose. Facing a terminal diagnosis, Julie embarked on a quest to find meaning in her remaining time. This journey involved:

• Reflecting on her life's accomplishments and challenges
• Exploring spiritual and philosophical questions about life and death
• Seeking to leave a lasting impact through her writing and relationships

Embracing a new perspective. Julie's search for meaning led her to:

• Appreciate the present moment more fully
• Focus on creating memories with her loved ones
• Use her experience to help others facing similar challenges
• Find peace in accepting her mortality

Through her writing and interactions with others, Julie transformed her personal struggle into a source of wisdom and inspiration. She found purpose in sharing her story, challenging societal norms around discussing death, and leaving a legacy for her children.

7. Preparing for death while embracing life's remaining moments

I want my children to learn by the example of my death not to be afraid of death, to understand it as simply a part of life. I want them to see how loved their mother was and that, by extension, they are safe and loved. I know a death that is at once lively and peaceful and filled with love will be one of the greatest gifts I can give them.

Practical preparations. Julie approached her impending death with characteristic thoroughness:

• Making detailed plans for her family's future
• Writing letters and creating memories for her children
• Arranging her affairs, including financial and legal matters

Emotional preparation. Alongside practical concerns, Julie focused on emotional and spiritual readiness:

• Having difficult conversations with loved ones about her wishes
• Finding peace with her mortality
• Creating a vision for a "good death" surrounded by love and meaning

Julie's approach to preparing for death was both pragmatic and deeply personal. She sought to ease her family's future burden while also ensuring that her final days would reflect her values and leave a positive lasting impact on her loved ones.

8. The importance of legacy and memory for those left behind

Take it, Paula, perhaps it will be of some use to you, because I fear that yours no longer exists, lost somewhere during your long sleep—and no one can live without memories.

Creating lasting memories. Julie was acutely aware of the importance of leaving behind meaningful memories for her children and loved ones:

• She wrote extensively, both in her book and in personal letters
• She created special experiences and traditions with her family
• She made videos and left behind physical mementos

Shaping her narrative. Julie took an active role in shaping how she would be remembered:

• She shared her life story, including difficult truths about her past
• She articulated her values and hopes for her children's futures
• She used her writing to create a lasting connection with her daughters

Julie recognized that her legacy would live on through the memories and stories she left behind. By actively shaping this narrative, she sought to provide comfort, guidance, and a sense of connection for her loved ones after her death. Her efforts to create a meaningful legacy became a central part of her journey with terminal cancer.

Last updated: January 23, 2025

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