The Wait
Key Takeaways
1. The Wait: Delaying Gratification for a Deeper Connection
To Wait is to delay the temptation for instant gratification in relationships in order to get what you really want in life and become the person you truly want to be.
The power of patience. The Wait is a conscious choice to pursue delayed gratification in relationships, particularly regarding sex. By choosing to wait, individuals create space for personal growth, self-discovery, and the development of deeper connections. This practice allows people to:
- Focus on character, values, and compatibility
- Develop stronger communication skills
- Build a foundation of trust and respect
- Avoid clouded judgment caused by premature physical intimacy
Benefits beyond relationships. The Wait extends beyond romantic partnerships, influencing various aspects of life:
- Career advancement
- Financial stability
- Spiritual growth
- Improved decision-making skills
2. Faith and Patience: Trusting God's Timing in Relationships
God already has the right life and relationship in mind for you. It may not be with the type of person you have in mind, and it may not be under the circumstances that you think are most desirable. But God knows how to make the perfect match if we allow him to match us.
Surrendering control. The Wait encourages individuals to trust in God's plan for their lives, including their romantic relationships. This involves:
- Letting go of predetermined expectations
- Remaining open to unexpected opportunities
- Developing patience and perseverance
Active waiting. While trusting in God's timing, practitioners of The Wait are encouraged to:
- Pursue personal growth and self-improvement
- Engage in prayer and spiritual practices
- Cultivate a strong sense of self and purpose
3. Breaking Harmful Patterns: Self-Reflection and Growth
You can't marry someone with the idea of changing them.
Identifying destructive behaviors. The Wait provides an opportunity for individuals to examine their past relationships and recognize harmful patterns. This process involves:
- Reflecting on previous romantic experiences
- Identifying recurring issues or conflicts
- Understanding personal triggers and vulnerabilities
Personal transformation. By addressing these patterns, individuals can:
- Develop healthier relationship habits
- Improve emotional intelligence
- Increase self-awareness and self-esteem
- Break cycles of toxic relationships
4. Celibacy as a Tool for Clarity and Discernment
When we took sex off the table, our minds were clearer, our access to God was crisper, and we were able to make better decisions in other important areas of our relationship that weren't related to sex at all.
Removing distractions. Celibacy allows individuals to focus on non-physical aspects of a relationship, such as:
- Emotional compatibility
- Shared values and goals
- Communication styles
- Conflict resolution skills
Enhanced decision-making. By practicing celibacy, individuals can:
- Evaluate potential partners more objectively
- Avoid rushing into commitment based on physical attraction
- Develop a deeper understanding of their own needs and desires
- Make more informed choices about long-term compatibility
5. Overcoming Temptation: Strategies for Staying Strong
Willpower is wonderful, but at the risk of overdoing the diet metaphor, you don't keep ice cream and chocolate-chip cookies in the house when you're trying to drop fifty pounds.
Identifying triggers. Recognizing situations, environments, or behaviors that may lead to temptation is crucial. Common triggers include:
- Late nights
- Alcohol consumption
- Emotional vulnerability
- Intimate physical contact
Practical strategies. To maintain commitment to The Wait, individuals can:
- Communicate openly with their partner about boundaries
- Avoid situations that may lead to temptation
- Seek support from like-minded friends or accountability partners
- Engage in activities that promote personal growth and fulfillment
6. Dating with Purpose: Maintaining Objectivity and Asking the Right Questions
People will eventually reveal themselves if you allow them to.
The jury-box mentality. Approaching dating with objectivity allows individuals to:
- Observe potential partners without rushing to judgment
- Maintain emotional detachment to avoid premature commitment
- Ask important questions about compatibility and shared values
Key areas of exploration. When dating purposefully, individuals should focus on:
- Long-term goals and aspirations
- Views on marriage and family
- Financial habits and attitudes
- Spiritual beliefs and practices
- Conflict resolution styles
7. Commitment and Marriage: Moving Forward with Confidence
Marriage should not be about deliberately courting surprises. You're not going on a vacation where you can say, "Honey, let's take that road and see where we end up." You're selecting a person with whom you might spend the rest of your life, with whom you might have children.
Preparing for commitment. Before deciding to marry, couples should:
- Engage in premarital counseling or assessments
- Discuss important topics such as finances, children, and career goals
- Ensure alignment on core values and life expectations
Building a strong foundation. A successful marriage based on The Wait principles involves:
- Continuing to prioritize communication and emotional intimacy
- Maintaining individual identities while growing together
- Addressing conflicts and challenges with patience and understanding
8. Gender-Specific Challenges: Navigating The Wait as Men and Women
Smart women know that sex is power, and waiting is the ultimate act of claiming that power. Celibacy is control.
Women's perspective. Challenges and considerations for women practicing The Wait include:
- Overcoming societal pressure to find a partner quickly
- Balancing independence with the desire for companionship
- Developing self-worth independent of relationship status
Men's perspective. Men may face unique obstacles when practicing The Wait, such as:
- Resisting cultural expectations of sexual conquest
- Redefining masculinity in terms of self-control and emotional maturity
- Overcoming fear of commitment or loss of freedom
Both genders benefit from:
- Focusing on personal growth and self-improvement
- Developing a strong sense of identity outside of relationships
- Cultivating patience and trust in God's timing
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FAQ
What's "Wait" by DeVon Franklin about?
- Core Concept:"Wait" by DeVon Franklin is about the power of delayed gratification, particularly in the context of relationships and sex. The authors share their personal journey of waiting until marriage to have sex and how it positively impacted their lives.
- Broader Application: While the book begins with the topic of sex, it extends the concept of waiting to other areas of life, such as career, finances, and personal growth, advocating for strategic patience.
- Personal Stories: The authors, DeVon Franklin and Meagan Good, use their own experiences to illustrate the benefits of waiting, offering insights into how it helped them build a strong, fulfilling marriage.
- Spiritual Foundation: The book is grounded in Christian faith, emphasizing the importance of aligning one's life with God's will and trusting in His timing.
Why should I read "Wait" by DeVon Franklin?
- Practical Advice: The book offers practical advice on how to implement the concept of waiting in various aspects of life, not just in relationships.
- Personal Growth: It encourages readers to focus on personal development and self-awareness, which can lead to more fulfilling relationships and life experiences.
- Spiritual Insights: For those interested in faith-based guidance, the book provides spiritual insights and biblical references to support the practice of waiting.
- Inspiring Stories: The personal stories of the authors serve as inspiration for those looking to make positive changes in their lives.
What are the key takeaways of "Wait" by DeVon Franklin?
- Delayed Gratification: The practice of delaying gratification can lead to greater success and fulfillment in life.
- Self-Improvement: Focusing on becoming the best version of oneself is crucial before entering into a committed relationship.
- Faith and Patience: Trusting in God's timing and having patience can lead to unexpected blessings and opportunities.
- Relationship Building: Building a relationship on a foundation of mutual respect and understanding, rather than physical attraction, leads to deeper connections.
How did waiting impact DeVon Franklin and Meagan Good's relationship?
- Stronger Bond: Waiting allowed them to build a strong emotional and spiritual connection, which became the foundation of their marriage.
- Clarity and Focus: By removing sex from the equation, they were able to focus on getting to know each other deeply and honestly.
- Mutual Respect: Their decision to wait was based on mutual respect and a shared commitment to their faith and values.
- Long-term Benefits: They attribute many of the blessings in their marriage and careers to the discipline and patience they practiced during their courtship.
What is the difference between celibacy and abstinence according to "Wait"?
- Celibacy Defined: Celibacy is a deliberate choice to refrain from sex, often for religious or spiritual reasons, and is associated with a vow or commitment.
- Abstinence Defined: Abstinence is simply the act of not having sex, which can be involuntary or without a deeper purpose.
- Purposeful Choice: The book emphasizes celibacy as a purposeful choice that aligns with one's values and goals, rather than a passive state.
- Mindset Shift: Practicing celibacy involves a mindset shift towards self-discipline and personal growth, rather than just avoiding sex.
How does "Wait" suggest handling temptation?
- Preparation is Key: The book advises preparing for temptation by setting boundaries and avoiding situations that could lead to breaking one's commitment.
- Know Your Triggers: Understanding personal triggers and avoiding them is crucial in maintaining celibacy.
- Support System: Having a support system, such as accountability partners or a faith community, can provide strength and encouragement.
- Focus on Goals: Keeping the focus on long-term goals and the benefits of waiting can help resist short-term temptations.
What role does faith play in "Wait" by DeVon Franklin?
- Foundation of Waiting: Faith is the foundation of the practice of waiting, as it involves trusting in God's plan and timing.
- Spiritual Growth: The book encourages readers to use the waiting period as a time for spiritual growth and deepening their relationship with God.
- Biblical References: The authors use biblical references to support their views on celibacy and waiting, providing a spiritual context for their advice.
- Guidance and Strength: Faith is seen as a source of guidance and strength, helping individuals stay committed to their goals and values.
What are some practical tips from "Wait" for those considering celibacy?
- Set Clear Boundaries: Establish clear boundaries in relationships to avoid situations that could lead to breaking the commitment to celibacy.
- Communicate Openly: Be open and honest with potential partners about the decision to wait and the reasons behind it.
- Stay Busy: Engage in activities that promote personal growth and keep the mind occupied, reducing the focus on sexual desires.
- Seek Support: Find a community or support group that shares similar values and can provide encouragement and accountability.
How does "Wait" address the concept of "The One"?
- Myth of "The One": The book challenges the idea of a single perfect person, suggesting that God has multiple potential partners who could be a good match.
- Focus on Compatibility: It emphasizes the importance of compatibility and shared values over the idea of a predestined soulmate.
- Open-mindedness: Readers are encouraged to be open-minded and not limit themselves to a rigid checklist of traits for their ideal partner.
- God's Plan: Trusting in God's plan and being open to His guidance is key to finding a fulfilling relationship.
What are the benefits of waiting, according to "Wait"?
- Deeper Connections: Waiting allows for the development of deeper emotional and spiritual connections in relationships.
- Personal Growth: It provides an opportunity for personal growth and self-discovery, leading to a more fulfilling life.
- Reduced Drama: By avoiding impulsive decisions, individuals can reduce drama and conflict in their relationships.
- Alignment with Values: Waiting helps individuals align their actions with their values and long-term goals, leading to greater satisfaction.
What are some of the best quotes from "Wait" and what do they mean?
- "Patience is not the ability to Wait, but the ability to keep a good attitude while Waiting." This quote emphasizes the importance of maintaining a positive mindset during the waiting period.
- "The Wait is about getting control of your life, reducing the dating drama, and avoiding desperate relationship choices." It highlights the benefits of waiting in terms of gaining control and making better decisions.
- "God is romantic." This quote suggests that God's plan for our lives includes a romantic journey that unfolds in His perfect timing.
- "The Wait always produces results." It reassures readers that the practice of waiting will lead to positive outcomes, even if they are not immediately visible.
How can "Wait" help someone struggling with self-esteem?
- Focus on Self-Worth: The book encourages individuals to focus on their self-worth and recognize their value as children of God.
- Personal Development: By prioritizing personal development and self-awareness, readers can build confidence and improve their self-esteem.
- Letting Go of the Past: The Wait provides an opportunity to let go of past hurts and traumas, which can contribute to low self-esteem.
- Empowerment Through Choice: Choosing to wait and align one's actions with personal values can be empowering and boost self-esteem.
The Wait received mostly positive reviews, with readers praising its inspirational message and practical advice on celibacy before marriage. Many found the book's emphasis on self-improvement and spiritual growth during the waiting period valuable. Some readers appreciated the authors' honesty and relatable experiences. Critics noted the book's heavy religious focus and repetitiveness. Overall, reviewers found the book encouraging for those considering or practicing celibacy, with many reporting personal growth and renewed commitment to their faith after reading.
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