Key Takeaways
1. Embrace vulnerability and curiosity to rise strong after failure
The goal of the process is to rise from our falls, overcome our mistakes, and face hurt in a way that brings more wisdom and wholeheartedness into our lives.
The rising strong process involves three key steps: The Reckoning (walking into our story), The Rumble (owning our story), and The Revolution (writing a new ending based on key learnings). This process requires vulnerability and curiosity about our emotions and experiences. By engaging in this process, we can transform our failures and hurts into opportunities for growth and authenticity.
To rise strong, we must:
- Recognize when we're emotionally hooked
- Get curious about our feelings and thoughts
- Challenge our initial interpretations and assumptions
- Integrate new learnings into our lives
2. Recognize and reckon with emotions to avoid off-loading hurt
Emotion can feel terrible, even physically overwhelming. We can feel exposed, at risk, and uncertain in the midst of emotion.
Reckoning with emotion is essential to avoid harmful off-loading behaviors. Many people struggle to engage with difficult emotions, leading to destructive patterns such as:
- Chandeliering: Suppressing emotions until they erupt unexpectedly
- Bouncing hurt: Using anger, blame, and avoidance to deflect pain
- Numbing: Dulling emotional pain through various means (e.g., alcohol, food, work)
- Stockpiling hurt: Accumulating pain until it manifests as depression or anxiety
- High-centering: Fearing emotional paralysis and avoiding vulnerability
To reckon with emotions effectively:
- Give yourself permission to feel
- Pay attention to physical and emotional responses
- Practice mindfulness and breathing techniques
- Write about your experiences to gain clarity
3. Rumble with your story to uncover truth and gain key learnings
The goal of the rumble is to get honest about the stories we're making up about our struggles, to revisit, challenge, and reality-check these narratives as we dig into topics such as boundaries, shame, blame, resentment, heartbreak, generosity, and forgiveness.
The rumbling process involves examining the stories we tell ourselves about our experiences and challenging our initial interpretations. This process helps us uncover deeper truths and gain valuable insights.
Key steps in the rumbling process:
- Write your "shitty first draft" (SFD) of the story
- Identify the key players and your emotions
- Challenge your assumptions and confabulations
- Explore alternative perspectives and interpretations
- Identify the gap between your SFD and the reality
- Extract key learnings from this delta
4. Practice self-compassion and avoid shame in the face of failure
The most dangerous stories we make up are the narratives that diminish our inherent worthiness. We must reclaim the truth about our lovability, divinity, and creativity.
Cultivating self-compassion is crucial when facing failure or disappointment. Shame often leads to destructive behaviors and self-criticism, while self-compassion allows for growth and resilience.
To practice self-compassion:
- Recognize the difference between shame ("I am bad") and guilt ("I did something bad")
- Speak to yourself as you would to a loved one
- Acknowledge your humanity and imperfections
- Seek support from trusted friends or professionals
- Use mindfulness to observe your thoughts without judgment
5. Cultivate wholehearted living through integration and authenticity
We can't be "all in" if only parts of us show up. If we're not living, loving, parenting, or leading with our whole, integrated hearts, we're doing it halfheartedly.
Wholehearted living requires integrating all aspects of ourselves, including our vulnerabilities and imperfections. This integration allows for more authentic connections and a deeper sense of worthiness.
Steps towards wholehearted living:
- Embrace your whole self, including perceived flaws
- Challenge societal expectations and norms
- Cultivate self-acceptance and self-love
- Practice vulnerability in relationships
- Align your actions with your values
6. Establish boundaries and practice accountability in relationships
Boundaries are simply our lists of what's okay and what's not okay.
Healthy relationships require clear boundaries and accountability. By establishing and communicating our limits, we create space for genuine connection and mutual respect.
Key aspects of boundaries and accountability:
- Clearly define what's acceptable and what's not
- Communicate your boundaries respectfully
- Hold yourself and others accountable for actions
- Practice empathy and understanding
- Be willing to have difficult conversations
- Recognize that trust is built through consistent behavior
7. Transform organizational culture through story rumbles
Story rumble teams would be trained to use the rising strong process to facilitate large and small group discussions around pressing issues.
Implementing story rumbles in organizations can lead to more open communication, better problem-solving, and a stronger culture of trust and accountability.
Benefits of organizational story rumbles:
- Encourages open and honest dialogue
- Addresses conflicts and misunderstandings proactively
- Fosters a culture of continuous learning and improvement
- Builds trust and empathy among team members
- Aligns individual and organizational values
- Improves decision-making and problem-solving processes
8. Redefine smart and embrace your authentic self
Definitions belong to the definers, not the defined.
Embracing your authentic self requires challenging societal definitions of intelligence, success, and worth. By redefining these concepts on your own terms, you can cultivate greater self-acceptance and confidence.
Steps to redefine smart and embrace authenticity:
- Identify and challenge internalized beliefs about intelligence and worth
- Recognize and celebrate your unique strengths and experiences
- Embrace your cultural background and personal history
- Define success on your own terms
- Surround yourself with people who appreciate your authentic self
9. Challenge nostalgia and face hard truths about your past
We need to cross-examine them, recognizing and accepting the inconsistencies and gaps in those that make us proud and happy as well as those that cause us pain.
Examining your past with honesty and clarity is essential for personal growth and understanding. Nostalgia can often mask painful truths and prevent us from addressing important issues.
Strategies for challenging nostalgia:
- Seek out multiple perspectives on past events
- Acknowledge the complexity of your family history
- Identify patterns of behavior or thinking that stem from your past
- Recognize the impact of trauma or difficult experiences
- Use your understanding of the past to inform present choices
10. Engage in constructive criticism and ignore cheap shots
For criticism to be useful, you have to have some skin in the game.
Distinguishing between constructive criticism and harmful attacks is crucial for personal and professional growth. Engaging with meaningful feedback while ignoring cheap shots can help you improve without compromising your self-worth.
Guidelines for handling criticism:
- Identify the source and intention of the criticism
- Focus on feedback from people whose opinions truly matter
- Separate the content of the criticism from your emotional reaction
- Use constructive feedback as an opportunity for growth
- Develop resilience to ignore unhelpful or malicious comments
11. Make rising strong a daily practice for revolutionary change
Rising strong is the final piece of this transformation.
Integrating the rising strong process into your daily life can lead to profound personal transformation and positively impact those around you. By consistently practicing vulnerability, curiosity, and self-reflection, you can create lasting change in your relationships, work, and community.
Ways to make rising strong a daily practice:
- Regularly check in with your emotions and thoughts
- Journal about your experiences and challenges
- Share your stories and learnings with trusted friends or family
- Apply the rising strong process to small, everyday setbacks
- Encourage others to engage in their own rising strong journey
- Celebrate your progress and growth along the way
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FAQ
What's Rising Strong about?
- Exploring vulnerability and resilience: Rising Strong by Brené Brown focuses on the process of recovering after a fall, highlighting the role of vulnerability in achieving personal growth and authentic living.
- Three-phase framework: The book introduces a framework consisting of The Reckoning, The Rumble, and The Revolution, each representing a step in understanding and transforming our emotional struggles.
- Storytelling emphasis: Brown underscores the power of storytelling in making sense of our experiences and fostering connections with others.
Why should I read Rising Strong?
- Practical insights for growth: The book provides strategies for embracing vulnerability and using it as a strength, making it a valuable resource for personal empowerment.
- Real-life applications: Brown's research is grounded in real-life experiences, offering relatable advice that can be applied in personal and professional contexts.
- Building resilience: It offers tools for developing resilience, encouraging readers to view challenges as opportunities for growth.
What are the key takeaways of Rising Strong?
- Vulnerability as strength: The book emphasizes that vulnerability is not a weakness but a source of courage and connection.
- Owning your story: Brown encourages readers to take responsibility for their narratives, recognizing the power of their experiences in shaping their identities.
- Community importance: The process of rising strong is supported by connections with others, highlighting the need for empathy and understanding in relationships.
What is the Reckoning in Rising Strong?
- Recognizing emotions: The Reckoning involves acknowledging and understanding the emotions we experience during difficult times.
- Curiosity about feelings: It encourages curiosity about the stories we tell ourselves, prompting exploration of the reasons behind our emotional responses.
- Foundation for growth: This step sets the stage for deeper exploration and understanding, crucial for the subsequent steps in the rising strong process.
What is the Rumble in Rising Strong?
- Owning your story: The Rumble is about getting honest with ourselves regarding the narratives we create around our struggles and challenging those assumptions.
- Exploring key themes: This step involves delving into topics like shame, blame, and forgiveness, allowing us to gain insights into our behaviors and motivations.
- Cultivating wholeheartedness: By engaging in this process, we can foster a greater sense of connection and understanding, ultimately leading to personal transformation.
What is the Revolution in Rising Strong?
- Writing a new ending: The Revolution is about using insights from the Reckoning and Rumble to create a new, empowered narrative for our lives.
- Integrating key learnings: This step emphasizes applying what we've learned to our daily lives, relationships, and decision-making processes.
- Transformative change: The Revolution signifies a commitment to living authentically and courageously, embracing our vulnerabilities as we move forward.
How does Rising Strong define vulnerability?
- Courage to show up: Brown defines vulnerability as the willingness to show up and be seen without guarantees of the outcome, essential for meaningful connections.
- Not a weakness: The book argues that vulnerability is often misconstrued as weakness, but it is actually a measure of courage and strength.
- Foundation for growth: Embracing vulnerability is crucial for personal growth, as it allows us to confront our fears and learn from our experiences.
What is the significance of storytelling in Rising Strong?
- Wired for story: Brown emphasizes that humans are inherently wired for storytelling, which helps us make sense of our experiences and connect with others.
- Integration of experiences: Storytelling allows us to integrate our emotions, thoughts, and behaviors, facilitating personal growth and understanding.
- Empathy and connection: Sharing our stories fosters empathy and connection, creating a sense of belonging and community among individuals.
What does Brené Brown mean by "SFD"?
- SFD stands for "stormy first draft": Brown uses this term to describe the initial, often messy narratives we create about our experiences.
- Importance of revising SFDs: Revising our SFDs is crucial for personal growth, as it helps us gain clarity and understanding.
- Encouragement to share SFDs: Brown encourages sharing SFDs with trusted individuals to foster connection and receive constructive feedback.
How does Rising Strong address the concept of shame?
- Shame as a barrier: Brown discusses how shame can prevent us from being authentic and living fully, often leading to feelings of unworthiness.
- Shame resilience: The book outlines strategies for developing shame resilience, which involves recognizing and confronting shame.
- Power of vulnerability: Embracing vulnerability is key to overcoming shame, as sharing our stories diminishes its power and fosters connection.
How can I apply the concepts from Rising Strong in my life?
- Practice the three steps: Engage in the Reckoning, Rumble, and Revolution processes to navigate your own struggles and learn from them.
- Embrace vulnerability: Allow yourself to be vulnerable in your relationships, fostering deeper connections and understanding with others.
- Reflect on your stories: Regularly examine the narratives you create about your experiences, challenging negative assumptions and rewriting your story with compassion.
What are the best quotes from Rising Strong and what do they mean?
- “The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.” This quote emphasizes the importance of taking action and being brave, rather than merely critiquing from the sidelines.
- “Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing we’ll ever do.” This highlights the significance of self-acceptance and the courage required to confront our personal narratives.
- “We can choose courage or we can choose comfort, but we can’t have both.” This quote underscores the idea that true growth often requires stepping out of our comfort zones and embracing vulnerability.
Rising Strong receives mixed reviews, with many praising Brown's vulnerability research and relatable storytelling. Critics appreciate her insights on embracing emotions and transforming failures. Some find the book repetitive and overly personal, while others consider it life-changing. Readers value Brown's practical advice on resilience and authenticity. However, some criticize her privileged perspective and lack of scientific evidence. Overall, fans of Brown's work find the book inspiring, while skeptics question its depth and applicability to serious hardships.
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