Plot Summary
Claude's Birth and Family Dynamics
Rosie and Penn's growing family
Rosie and Penn Walsh-Adams are the loving parents of a lively group of boys: Roo, Ben, and twins Rigel and Orion. Despite the chaos, they decide to try for a girl, resulting in the birth of Claude. Rosie, a pragmatic doctor, indulges in superstitions to sway fate for a daughter. Their household is a whirlwind of activity, with each child adding to the vibrant tapestry of their lives. Claude, the youngest, is born into this loving, albeit hectic, environment, where the family navigates the challenges and joys of raising multiple children.
Poppy's Emergence and School Challenges
Claude's identity and school struggles
As Claude grows, he exhibits behaviors and preferences that challenge traditional gender norms. He loves wearing dresses and playing with dolls, leading to confusion and concern from his parents. At school, Claude faces difficulties fitting in, as his peers and teachers struggle to understand his unique identity. The pressure to conform weighs heavily on him, and his parents grapple with how best to support him. They seek guidance from professionals, hoping to find a path that ensures Claude's happiness and well-being.
Secrets and New Beginnings
Moving and starting anew
The family decides to move from Madison to Seattle, seeking a fresh start where Claude, now Poppy, can live more freely as a girl. The transition is both exciting and daunting, as they leave behind familiar faces and routines. In Seattle, Poppy embraces her identity with newfound confidence, while her family adjusts to their new surroundings. The move offers a chance to redefine themselves, but it also brings the challenge of keeping Poppy's past a secret from new friends and neighbors.
Navigating Identity and Acceptance
Poppy's social life and identity
Poppy quickly forms close friendships with Aggie and other neighborhood kids, enjoying the freedom to be herself without the burden of her past. However, the secrecy surrounding her identity creates tension and fear of discovery. Her parents, Rosie and Penn, struggle with the decision of when and how to reveal Poppy's history, fearing both the potential backlash and the impact on Poppy's sense of self. They navigate these complexities while trying to provide a stable and loving environment for all their children.
Family Decisions and Relocation
The impact of moving on the family
The move to Seattle is a significant change for the entire family, affecting each member differently. While Poppy thrives in her new environment, her siblings face their own challenges in adapting to a new school and social scene. Roo, in particular, struggles with the upheaval, feeling disconnected from his previous life. Rosie and Penn work to balance the needs of each child, ensuring that Poppy's transition does not overshadow the rest of the family's well-being.
Secrets Unravel and New Beginnings
Family secrets come to light
The Walsh-Adams family faces a turning point as secrets about Poppy's identity begin to unravel. Roo, Poppy's brother, grapples with his own struggles, leading to a confrontation that forces the family to confront their hidden truths. The revelation of Poppy's past to her peers creates a ripple effect, challenging the family's decision to keep her history a secret. As the family navigates these revelations, they must decide how to move forward, balancing the need for honesty with the desire to protect Poppy.
Poppy's Identity and School Drama
Poppy's return to school challenges
Poppy returns to school amidst swirling rumors about her identity. Her classmates' reactions range from curiosity to cruelty, testing Poppy's resilience and the strength of her friendships. Despite the challenges, Poppy finds unexpected allies and begins to reclaim her identity on her own terms. The school dance becomes a pivotal moment for Poppy, as she steps into the spotlight and embraces her true self, signaling a new chapter in her journey of self-acceptance.
Family Tensions and Revelations
Family dynamics under strain
The Walsh-Adams family is tested as they confront the complexities of Poppy's identity and the impact of their decisions. Roo's struggles with his own identity and actions bring tension to the family dynamic, forcing Rosie and Penn to reevaluate their parenting choices. As secrets are revealed and emotions run high, the family must find a way to support each other while navigating the challenges of raising a child who defies societal norms.
Cultural Insights and Self-Discovery
Thailand trip offers new perspectives
Rosie and Poppy's trip to Thailand provides a fresh perspective on identity and acceptance. Immersed in a culture that embraces diversity, Poppy learns about the concept of "kathoey" and the acceptance of gender fluidity. This experience helps Poppy and Rosie understand the importance of living authentically and the value of community support. The trip becomes a transformative journey, offering insights that help Poppy embrace her identity with confidence.
A Dance of Acceptance and Change
Poppy's triumphant return to normalcy
The school dance marks a significant moment in Poppy's journey, as she faces her peers with newfound courage. Supported by her family and friends, Poppy steps onto the dance floor, symbolizing her acceptance of her identity and the beginning of a new chapter. The dance becomes a metaphor for the family's journey, highlighting the themes of love, acceptance, and the ongoing process of change. As the music plays, Poppy and her family embrace the complexities of their lives, finding strength in their love for one another.
Characters
Rosie Walsh
Pragmatic and loving mother
Rosie is a dedicated doctor and mother, balancing her career with the demands of a large family. She is scientific and logical, yet deeply superstitious when it comes to her children's well-being. Rosie's journey involves navigating the complexities of Poppy's identity, striving to provide a supportive environment while grappling with societal expectations and her own fears.
Penn Adams
Creative and supportive father
Penn is a writer who embraces the chaos of family life with humor and creativity. He is deeply supportive of Poppy's journey, advocating for her right to express her true self. Penn's storytelling ability helps the family navigate difficult conversations, and he is a steadfast partner to Rosie as they make challenging decisions for their children.
Claude/Poppy Walsh-Adams
Courageous and self-aware child
Born as Claude, Poppy is a child who defies traditional gender norms, expressing a strong desire to live as a girl. Her journey is marked by bravery and self-discovery, as she navigates the challenges of acceptance and identity. Poppy's transition is central to the family's story, highlighting themes of love, support, and the quest for authenticity.
Roo Walsh-Adams
Resilient and conflicted eldest sibling
Roo is the oldest of the Walsh-Adams children, facing the pressures of adolescence and the family's move to Seattle. He struggles with the changes in his life, particularly the impact of Poppy's transition on the family dynamic. Roo's journey involves finding his place in a new environment while grappling with his own identity and responsibilities.
Ben Walsh-Adams
Intelligent and introspective middle child
Ben is academically gifted and introspective, often serving as the voice of reason among his siblings. He is supportive of Poppy but also concerned about the family's secrecy and its potential consequences. Ben's journey involves balancing his intellectual pursuits with the emotional complexities of family life.
Rigel and Orion Walsh-Adams
Adventurous and imaginative twins
Rigel and Orion are the lively twins of the family, known for their creativity and mischief. They embrace the move to Seattle with enthusiasm, finding new adventures and friendships. Their bond with Poppy is strong, and they provide a sense of normalcy and support as she navigates her transition.
Aggie Granderson
Loyal and spirited friend
Aggie is Poppy's best friend and neighbor, offering unwavering support and companionship. Her friendship provides Poppy with a sense of belonging and acceptance, allowing her to thrive in her new environment. Aggie's presence is a source of joy and stability for Poppy, reinforcing the importance of friendship and community.
Marginny and Frank Granderson
Welcoming and open-minded neighbors
Marginny and Frank are the Grandersons, Poppy's next-door neighbors who welcome the Walsh-Adams family with open arms. They play a crucial role in the family's integration into the community, offering friendship and support. Their acceptance of Poppy as she is provides a safe space for her to explore her identity.
Mr. Tongo
Wise and unconventional therapist
Mr. Tongo is a social worker and therapist who provides guidance and support to Rosie and Penn as they navigate Poppy's transition. His unconventional approach and wisdom offer a fresh perspective on the challenges the family faces, helping them find clarity and confidence in their decisions.
Nicky Calcutti
Former friend and source of conflict
Nicky was Claude's friend before the transition to Poppy, representing the challenges of acceptance and understanding. His father's reaction to Poppy's identity serves as a catalyst for the family's decision to move, highlighting the societal pressures and prejudices they seek to escape.
Plot Devices
Secrets and Identity
Central theme of hidden truths
The theme of secrets and identity is pivotal in the narrative, exploring the complexities of Poppy's transition and the family's decision to keep her past hidden. This plot device underscores the tension between authenticity and societal expectations, driving the family's journey and shaping their interactions with the world around them.
Relocation and New Beginnings
Catalyst for change and growth
The family's move from Madison to Seattle serves as a catalyst for transformation, offering a fresh start and new opportunities. This plot device highlights the challenges and opportunities of change, emphasizing the importance of environment in shaping identity and the pursuit of happiness.
Support and Acceptance
Exploration of community and belonging
The narrative explores themes of support and acceptance through the family's interactions with neighbors, friends, and professionals. This plot device underscores the significance of community in fostering a sense of belonging and the impact of acceptance on individual well-being and identity.
Parental Love and Sacrifice
Driving force behind family decisions
The theme of parental love and sacrifice is central to the story, guiding Rosie and Penn's decisions as they navigate Poppy's journey. This plot device emphasizes the lengths parents will go to protect and support their children, highlighting the complexities and challenges of raising a child who defies societal norms.
Cultural Exploration
Insight into diverse acceptance
The trip to Thailand serves as a catalyst for change and growth, offering Poppy and Rosie new perspectives on identity and acceptance. This plot device highlights the importance of cultural exploration in understanding and embracing diversity, emphasizing the value of community support in fostering a sense of belonging.
Analysis
Exploration of identity and acceptance
"This Is How It Always Is" by Laurie Frankel is a poignant exploration of identity, acceptance, and the complexities of family life. Through the journey of Poppy and her family, the novel delves into the challenges of raising a child who defies societal norms, highlighting the importance of love, support, and authenticity. The narrative underscores the tension between societal expectations and personal truth, emphasizing the significance of community and cultural understanding in fostering acceptance. Frankel's story is a testament to the power of parental love and the courage required to live authentically, offering valuable insights into the ongoing process of change and self-discovery.
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FAQ
Synopsis & Basic Details
What is This Is How It Always Is about?
- Family navigates gender identity : The story centers on the Walsh-Adams family as they navigate the complexities of raising their youngest child, Claude, who identifies as a girl named Poppy.
- Challenges to societal norms : The novel explores the family's journey as they grapple with societal expectations, personal truths, and the challenges of raising a child who defies traditional gender norms.
- Love and acceptance prevail : At its core, the book is about the power of family love and acceptance, as the Walsh-Adams family learns to support Poppy's transition while navigating their own fears and uncertainties.
Why should I read This Is How It Always Is?
- Unique perspective on gender : The novel offers a fresh and nuanced perspective on gender identity, challenging readers to reconsider their own assumptions and biases.
- Emotional family story : It's a deeply emotional and relatable story about family, love, and the challenges of raising children in a complex world.
- Thought-provoking themes : The book explores thought-provoking themes of identity, acceptance, and the importance of authenticity, making it a compelling read for anyone interested in social issues.
What is the background of This Is How It Always Is?
- Contemporary societal context : The novel is set in a contemporary world where discussions about gender identity are becoming more prevalent, reflecting current social and cultural conversations.
- Focus on family dynamics : The story is grounded in the everyday realities of family life, exploring the challenges and joys of raising multiple children and navigating complex relationships.
- Exploration of personal journeys : The book delves into the personal journeys of each family member, highlighting their individual struggles and growth as they adapt to changing circumstances.
What are the most memorable quotes in This Is How It Always Is?
- "Is it always 'or'? Is it never 'and'?" : This quote from Stephen Sondheim's Into the Woods encapsulates the novel's exploration of the complexities of identity and the desire to embrace multiple truths.
- "I am large, I contain multitudes." : This quote from Walt Whitman's "Song of Myself" reflects the novel's theme of embracing the multifaceted nature of identity and the human experience.
- "For the moment's all there is, my darling." : This quote, spoken by Carmelo, highlights the importance of living in the present and cherishing the joy of the moment, especially in the face of uncertainty.
What writing style, narrative choices, and literary techniques does Laurie Frankel use?
- Character-driven narrative : Frankel employs a character-driven narrative, focusing on the internal thoughts and emotions of her characters to create a deeply personal and relatable story.
- Humorous and poignant tone : The novel blends humor and poignancy, using wit and sarcasm to explore serious themes while maintaining an engaging and accessible tone.
- Multiple perspectives : The story is told from multiple perspectives, allowing readers to gain a deeper understanding of each character's unique experiences and challenges.
Hidden Details & Subtle Connections
What are some minor details that add significant meaning?
- The spoon under the bed : Rosie's attempt to influence the baby's gender by placing a wooden spoon under the bed highlights her internal conflict between logic and superstition, and her deep desire for a daughter.
- The names of the dolls : The children's dolls, named after flowers, connect to Rosie's sister Poppy, who also had a doll named Clover, emphasizing the theme of remembrance and the enduring impact of loss.
- The recurring mention of "red" : The color red appears in various contexts, from red meat to red hair, subtly foreshadowing the passion and intensity of the characters' emotions and experiences.
What are some subtle foreshadowing and callbacks?
- Penn's airport stories: Penn's early stories about people at airports foreshadow his later ability to observe and understand the complexities of human emotions and relationships, which he uses to support his family.
- The suit of armor : The recurring image of the suit of armor outside the prince's room, initially filled with roses and later with stories, foreshadows the power of storytelling and the importance of self-discovery.
- The "tea-length" dress : Claude's initial concern about his dress being "tea-length" foreshadows his later exploration of gender expression and the challenges he faces in navigating societal expectations.
What are some unexpected character connections?
- Heather's persistent questions : Heather, the neighbor, serves as a foil to Rosie, highlighting the societal pressures and judgments that the family faces, and her questions become a recurring reminder of the outside world's scrutiny.
- Mr. Tongo's unconventional wisdom: Mr. Tongo, the therapist, provides unexpected insights and support, challenging the family's assumptions and offering a fresh perspective on their situation.
- The children's shared stories : The children's shared stories and games, such as the "Penis Man" and the "Banana Ass Hulk," reveal their unique ways of processing their emotions and experiences, creating a sense of family unity.
Who are the most significant supporting characters?
- Carmelo : Rosie's mother, Carmelo, provides a source of unconditional love and acceptance, particularly for Poppy, and her own experiences with loss and resilience offer a valuable perspective.
- Aggie: Poppy's best friend, Aggie, represents the importance of genuine friendship and acceptance, and her unwavering support helps Poppy navigate the challenges of her identity.
- Mr. Tongo: The therapist, Mr. Tongo, offers unconventional wisdom and guidance, challenging the family's assumptions and helping them navigate the complexities of Poppy's transition.
Psychological, Emotional, & Relational Analysis
What are some unspoken motivations of the characters?
- Rosie's desire for a daughter: Rosie's deep-seated desire for a daughter, stemming from her sister's death, drives her to try various methods to influence the baby's gender, revealing her emotional vulnerability.
- Penn's need for narrative: Penn's tendency to view life through the lens of narrative reveals his need to find meaning and order in the chaos of family life, and his desire to create a story that will protect his children.
- Roo's struggle for identity: Roo's anger and resentment stem from his unspoken fear of being overshadowed by Poppy's transition, and his need to assert his own identity within the family.
What psychological complexities do the characters exhibit?
- Rosie's internal conflict: Rosie's struggle to reconcile her scientific mind with her emotional desires and fears highlights the psychological complexities of motherhood and the challenges of accepting the unknown.
- Penn's avoidance of reality: Penn's reliance on storytelling and metaphor reveals his tendency to avoid the harsh realities of life, and his struggle to reconcile his idealized vision of family with the complexities of his children's lives.
- Poppy's search for self: Poppy's journey is marked by a complex interplay of self-discovery and external pressures, as she grapples with her identity and the challenges of navigating a world that often fails to understand her.
What are the major emotional turning points?
- Claude's first expression of gender identity: Claude's early statements about wanting to be a girl mark a major emotional turning point, forcing his parents to confront their own assumptions and biases.
- The move to Seattle : The family's relocation to Seattle represents a significant emotional shift, as they leave behind familiar surroundings and embark on a journey of self-discovery and acceptance.
- The unravelling of secrets: The revelation of Poppy's past to her peers and the subsequent fallout create a major emotional turning point, forcing the family to confront their fears and insecurities.
How do relationship dynamics evolve?
- Rosie and Penn's partnership: Rosie and Penn's relationship evolves from a spontaneous love affair to a deep partnership, as they learn to navigate the challenges of parenting and supporting each other through difficult times.
- The sibling bond : The sibling bond between the Walsh-Adams boys is tested and strengthened as they navigate the complexities of Poppy's transition, learning to support and accept each other despite their differences.
- Poppy and Aggie's friendship: Poppy and Aggie's friendship evolves from a simple bond to a complex relationship, as they navigate the challenges of identity and acceptance, learning to support each other through difficult times.
Interpretation & Debate
Which parts of the story remain ambiguous or open-ended?
- Poppy's future identity: The novel leaves Poppy's future identity open-ended, suggesting that her journey of self-discovery is ongoing and that her identity may continue to evolve.
- The long-term impact of blockers : The long-term effects of hormone blockers on Poppy's physical and emotional development remain ambiguous, highlighting the uncertainties and complexities of medical interventions.
- The family's future : The novel's ending leaves the family's future open-ended, suggesting that their journey of acceptance and understanding is ongoing and that they will continue to face new challenges and opportunities.
What are some debatable, controversial scenes or moments in This Is How It Always Is?
- The decision to keep Poppy's past a secret: The family's decision to keep Poppy's past a secret from their new community is a controversial one, raising questions about the ethics of secrecy and the impact on Poppy's sense of self.
- The use of hormone blockers : The novel's exploration of hormone blockers raises questions about the ethics of medical interventions and the potential long-term effects on children's development.
- The portrayal of gender roles : The novel's portrayal of traditional gender roles and the challenges of defying them can be seen as both empowering and problematic, sparking debate about the complexities of gender identity and expression.
This Is How It Always Is Ending Explained: How It Ends & What It Means
- Poppy's return to school: Poppy's return to school after a period of absence marks a significant moment of self-acceptance and resilience, as she embraces her identity and faces her peers with newfound courage.
- The family's ongoing journey : The novel's ending emphasizes that the family's journey of acceptance and understanding is ongoing, and that they will continue to face new challenges and opportunities as they navigate the complexities of their lives.
- The power of storytelling : The novel's ending highlights the power of storytelling as a means of understanding and connecting with others, and the importance of sharing one's truth to create a more inclusive and accepting world.
This Is How It Always Is receives mostly positive reviews for its heartfelt exploration of raising a transgender child. Readers praise the complex family dynamics, emotional depth, and thought-provoking themes. Many find the writing beautiful and the characters well-developed. Some criticize the plot as unrealistic or too perfect, while others appreciate the hopeful tone. The book sparks discussions about parenting, acceptance, and gender identity. Overall, it's seen as an important, compassionate story that offers insight into a challenging topic.
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